Not in anyway a religion

In my dream there are lots of people sitting around me; about 4 or 5 people clustered on my right and 3 people clustered on my left, one of them standing. They're all Caucasian some of them blonde some of the brunette I can't see any of their faces because in dreams you can never really see anyone's face. The one closest to me on my right, the brunette in purple is saying 'Wake up the nurse wants to talk to you' to my left is the standing nurse blonde and wearing white holding a clipboard just like the nurses in those old American films. So then I open my eyes and she keeps saying wake up wake up

And when I open my eyes and look around nobody's there. No nurse wants to talk to me. The room is exactly the same except the chairs which everyone was sitting on are no longer there.

Absolutely uninterrupted sleep; I haven't had that for months. First it was because of the nurse dreams; but they stopped as soon as I gave up smoking. I had started only about 3 months ago but I was instantly hooked; satisfying my childhood love of the second hand smoke blown out by my relatives. The dreams started coming when I started learning how to roll my cigarettes quicker and hence; when I started increasing my nicotine intake ten fold. I would wake up rub my eyes realize that I had only fallen asleep 3 hours ago; sit around spend 2 hours trying to fall asleep again; smoke; fall asleep for 3 hours; have another dream then wake up again. Quitting was easier then I thought I nailed it on my second try. It was, for me, like choosing tobacco over absolute uninterrupted sleep; sleep won. If only every smoker had to face an ultimatum like I did. Shortly after I quit I saw an anti smoking ad featuring a man with a Trachea. Just in time I guess.

The dreams stopped but my 3 hour sleeping pattern continued; it went on for days and days and weeks and weeks until I decided that I'd have to try everything. Strong alcoholic drinks before bed; failed; very unpleasant to wake up to find your drunken spew all over the floor and your clothes and stuck in the little bits of your fringe that hang down over your face and even more unpleasant to have to continually wake up to it every 3 hours for the rest of the night. Lots and lots of exercise before bed; failed; and I would wake up starving and eat all the potato salad left in the fridge. Watching boring documentaries; failed; because when you wake up and you lie there for 2 hours waiting to get back to sleep focusing completely on the documentary waiting for it to knock you out, you suddenly become entranced in it. Never have I learnt so much about the rise and fall of the Stock Exchange. Having sex because apparently after ejaculation men just roll into sleep; failed; and apparently trying to wake your date up after 3 hours and asking for another round is not romantic or spontaneous or sexy or attractive in anyway. Sleeping pills because they may be deadly but they are affective; failed; and that was the scariest failure of all.

The sort of things that I remember about dreams and that I remember about sleep are; that they are a wonderful thing to have.

I remember sleeping; and dreaming, and then; being woken up. There I was, in one instant; in this big place that looks remotely like a lollipop field but I don't know exactly everything is to blurry with people surrounding me talking to me but I could never really clearly see there faces; and suddenly something would filter in Wake up we have to go; we're gonna be late if you don't wake up. The words would at first seem almost part of the dream but then as they got thicker and thicker and more and more solid; the dream would get thinner and thinner and then just turn grey and then I would open my eyes to half see you standing there under the yellow light talking to me telling me to wake up. And those type of dreams; or those type of wakings; would only work against you because for those first 10 seconds that I'm awake I stay convinced that the reality, the warped morphed reality, of my dream still exists and still applies; my mind is convinced that even though the dream in which that reality existed disappeared a while ago into the grey. I remember rubbing my eyes saying I know I know cause the watermelon told you so right? And you would look at me funny and say What? But the minute you say it I would snap out of the dreams old reality and realize nothing I said made sense. My dream had nothing to do with watermelons; but I know if I said it in my dream it would make sense.

I remember my repeating dreams; my recurring dreams. I stopped having recurring nightmares once I became 14 but before that every year I would have the same nightmare; a yearly ritual. I would be sitting on a canoe out by this big blue lake; the sort of lakes you see in films, films called 'Return of the Swamp Monster to Jefferson Camp' , the sort of films that they parody in kid shows where the boyfriend and the girlfriend sit on a boat by the lake the girlfriend going 'Gee Joe I don't think we should be out here' and the boyfriend crooning here into premarital penetration. On one side of the canoe would be me, and on the other side a bunch of fat people, and slowly the canoe would tilt and I would be on the elevated side the canoe almost reaching a perfect vertical position, me sitting there grinding my teeth clutching the sides and-

I would sit up in bed, wake up with that feeling in my chest that you get when you swing too high on the swings, pant; find myself completely out of breath.

Though the nightmare stopped coming to me I would often get the same, almost yearly, dream about me and a group of friends at a large amusement park filled with roller coasters and water slides and fast food stores. And we would slide down the massive water slide each of us sitting in our huge individual inflatable blue and yellow doughnut shaped tubes and right before we got to the end; where there would be some sort of blockage and we would all panic; I would wake up.

I remember having fantastic dreams, and then being woken up; and feeling completely pissed at the person who woke you; at the sun or the alarm clock or just yourself. Being pissed when you find out that the fantastic reality is not. And no matter how long you lie in bed you can never get your self to fall asleep again the whole thing has left you entirely high and dry.

There are so many different types of dreams and different ways of realizing that they are in fact dreams; that I could never write them all down. The only reason I document this is because; there is something amazing about how much a dream captures you and envelops you and sucks you in. You are so convinced that this is reality even though it goes completely against what the laws of true reality had ever stated. If I wanted to end on a shocker I could say But what is true reality? But I honestly believe that this; is it; not because of life is wonderful and life is full of joy because life can be full of shit; but because this reality is the only thing that effectively strips away the fake reality the warped reality the wonderful reality of dreams. And I won't believe in any Matrix or Inception theory that tells me that this; is all some sort of well fabricated dream.

I've sort of surprised my self in this note, because I'm not religious; not like this; theory of mine is in anyway a religion. I've never had much firm unshakable beliefs before except that I hated capsicums in all form and color and that I hated the taste of blood.

But my sleep pattern was starting to change and not in the way I wanted; 3 hours of sleep followed by 2 hours of waiting became no hours of sleep followed by all hours of waiting; and if I didn't write things down and pick a side when it came to the theories of the Matrix and Inception and Vanilla Sky then I'd never see any dream again.

For the first time in months I feel sleepy; a sleepy that I know won't shake off. But more importantly this is a sleepy that I haven't felt ever before in my life, a sleepy that I know won't shake off ever; a sleepy that doesn't leave in the next 8 hours or tomorrow morning or tomorrow afternoon or tomorrow evening; a sleepy that lays itself over you and doesn't release itself until. Until it doesn't need to cling there anymore, because nothing in the world is gonna wake you up after this.